Colonel Kurtz vs. Andrew Eldritch
by LOKI13@VAX1.BEMIDJI.MSUS.EDU
Written in March 1996

Humor

The new album
Microsoft buys The Sisters of Mercy
A Christmas Carrot
Truth about the new album

Comparison lists
Colonel Kurtz vs. Andrew Eldritch
Apocalypse Now vs. The Sisters of Mercy
Why Sisters Fans Are Almost Like Deadheads

Lyrics parodies
Piss the Carpet
Temple of Love Actions

Other
Andrew Eldritch action figures

Kurtz
of Apocalypse Now
Eldritch
of The Sisters of Mercy
10. Brando is Kurtz Andrew is short
9. "Made a friend of horror" Made a friend of Meatloaf's producer
8. Inspired by the morbid themes of "Heart of Darkness" Inspired by "The Songs of Leonard Cohen"
7. Surrounded by a throng of followers who wear strange costumes and painted faces Has "gothic" fans
6. Pretentiously quotes T.S. Eliot Lyrically steals T.S.Eliot
5. Battles the forces of the east and has a contract put on him by the west Battles East/West over forcing him to honor his contract
4. Cuts the heads off enemies Bites the heads off fans
3. "Even the jungle wanted him dead" "I had a good working relationship with everyone. They just wanted to try other things."
2. secluded himself in a place where his every wish is carried out, no matter how sick or bizarre Lives close to Hamburg's "Reeperbahn"
1. hacked to death by Capt. Willard Hacked to death by "New Music Express"